Car Clamping / Cemetry Gates

A dreaded shopping day
So I meet you at the car park gates
Contract Law is on my side
A dreaded clamping day
So I meet you at the car park gates
English property law is not on your side
While your wild clamp is on mine

So I go inside and I gravely read the signs
All those laws, all those rules
Where are they now ?
With thugs, and threats
And signage just like thine
It was unclear
And then you clamped
And then you fined
It seems so unfair
I want to cry

You say : "You accepted the contract when you parked"
And you claim this cash as your own
You've fought well, and I've heard they've paid
A thousand times (maybe less, maybe more)
If you must write rules
The laws you use should be our own
Don't make them up or threaten, I moan
'Cause there's always someone, somewhere
With a big nose, who knows
And who trips you up and laughs
When you fall
Who'll trip you up and laugh
When you fall

You say : "Pay an extra £50 call out fee"
Words which could only be your own
And I produce the cash
And off was ripped
(It started way before 2004)

A dreaded shopping day
So I meet you at the car park gates
Contract Law is on my side
A dreaded clamping day
So I meet you at the car park gates
Although possession is on your side
You lose
'Cause the CPRs are on mine

Sure !


(With apologies to the Smiths, but none to private car clampers)