Bonus Bandits and Billy Bragg

I used to bank my chips
With an aggressive lending machine
The profits they seemed healthy
But I knew it was not what it seemed

"Do you want debt advice?"
Was what I heard them say
But in the language of the ghetto
That means "How much more can you pay?"

I wanted to free me
In my dreams I could see me
Running naked in the woods round Barclays
Trying to get away from the loan shark please
Unsecured debt
and the unrestrained bonus culture that was lurking
round the Gherkin

At a little low-level table we would talk
I carved the interest rate on a little wooden fork
Into the bank came the bonus bandit gang
They snatched the fork from out my hand

The bonus bandits looked at me
To assert my masculinity
I said "Oi!!"
They said "What?"
I said "Nothing".

(with deepest apologies to Bill Bailey and Billy Bragg)